To buy or not Do Bai. OH DUBAI???

On Wed, Jun 19, 2013 at 3:14 PM, Tariq Ali <tariq.ali@thebrand.com.pk> wrote:

The Dubai  Nobody Tells You About

Dubai is the land of the biggest, tallest, longest, widest, richest,
fanciest, fastest...everything is t... in the world.

They have the tallest residential towers in the world, the tallest
restaurant in the world, the largest number of Malbaris in the world, the
highest crane operator in the world.

If it does not grow in Dubai , they'll make it artificially - artificial ski
slopes, artificial islands, artificial oasis, coconut trees and lawns,
artificial beaches, artificial economy.

Indians especially love it here because of the dirham-to-rupee value.
Pakistanis adore it.

The Egyptians come here because there is nothing to do in Egypt. No more
pyramids to build either.

The Filipinos come here because they have no choice; there is nothing back
home, not even dogs - they've been eaten up.

The Brits come here coz they have forgotten what it is to enjoy 3 meals a
day in UK and nobody employs them there for the crap they give.  .

The Lebanese come here to buy cars, dress to kill, wear Peter Pan shoes 10
sizes bigger than their feet, put 1 kg of gel on their heads and give
everyone ball talk. They'll buy a 1980s Merc or BMW for 10k dirhams and
drive the car like theyre sitting in the rear passenger seat, stretching
their arms all the way to the steering wheel, giving you the piercing bald
eagle look.

Russian girls come here as "Hookers".

The Bangladeshis come here to serve you when you honk outside a Baklava
(shop), but would not even look at you if you park and go inside to pickup
yourself.

Now according to the government Dubai is Tax free. Of course, that is true.
You only have to pay for the visa, medical, sponser, insurance, resident ID,
Opening a bank account or even closing an account, Municipality, Sewerage,
attestation of papers, translation of papers, driving license papers,
lessons, Car license, testing, and ... but the salary is Tax Free.

Only, there is a Pay and Park scheme with 5000 parking lots, and 500,000
cars in the city, so where the hell do you park? And you are fined for wrong
parking.

Toll has been introduced on many roads. You can avoid the toll tax by using
alternative routes, but you'll end up in a traffic jam because everyone is
trying to avoid the toll tax.

If you have any government related work like medicals for visa or
immigration, you have 2 options - Standard and Urgent Procedure. Standard
takes 15 days and Urgent takes 2 days. The difference is 30 to 40-odd
dirhams. Everyone goes for the urgent option and the Dubai government makes
money, urgently.

If you switch jobs you get a work ban and to lift the ban you pay a huge
penalty.

In Dubai , without a car you are paralyzed (you don't even get jobs if you
don't have a car). But you 'll get your license in attempts ranging from 2
to 20. Each time you fail you have paid fees for Driving classes & Driving
Tests, which are 1000-odd dirhams. Imagine the money RTA makes.

Most of the expats live alone with families back home. So they spend much on
phone calls. And call charges from Dubai are high.

Another odd thing about Dubai - no matter where you go or who you meet, you
take down phone numbers. Everybody has everybody's number in Dubai . And
everyone has a Visiting Card, whether you are a bootlegger, a masseuse, a
hooker, a car cleaner, a watchman or a pizza delivery boy. Everyone knocks
around with lots of cards in his or her wallet and one card in the palm. So
whenever you shake hands with anyone in Dubai and let go, you end up with a
visiting card in your palm.

If you are walking on the road and you ask someone the time, he'll tell you
10:30, give you his card and say, I have new and second-hand watches.

At a restaurant when you are leaving they'll say Here is my card, call us
for home delivery.

If you're below your building, you'll meet those Chinese chicks giving you
their cards, saying, Call us if you want DVDs.

If you are standing at a bus stop, a
Pakistani will pull over in his 1980 Toyota Corolla, give you his card and
say, If you want Pick-up & Drop Service, call me.

Dubai has amusing-looking buildings. Some have holes in them, some have
giant balls on them, some look like aeroplanes, some look like sail boats,
and, all of them reach into space with your window right in front of the
moon.

Everyone in Dubai goes to malls. Not necessarily to shop. To beat the heat,
go to a mall; business meeting, go to a mall; getting bored, go to a mall;
want to take a leak or dump, go to a mall; want to do lukhagiri (little in
your pocket, little in your mind), go to a mall.

If you want to go for a picnic go to a mall.

Some Malbaris go home to Kerala, get married, and then come to a Dubai Mall
for their honeymoon.

THAT...MY FRIENDS.....IS
DO-BUY




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